Saturday, October 18, 2008

Hospital Blues


I'm back. In the hospital that is. And I must admit that my attitude about it isn't nearly as pulled together as last time. Why? Because I will be here for the next 6 weeks. Maybe longer. Shorter? Doubtful, but you know how doctors like to give you a silver lining to things? Apparently that's mine. But my breath is NOT held.


I miss my house. I miss my fall decorations that Mom so laboriously put out. I miss my bed. I miss my candles and my oil burner. I miss my open windows. I miss the trees outside those windows. I miss people stopping by to hang out. I miss having everything I need, when I need it. I miss being able to take a shower every day as opposed to every OTHER day. Ew. And I miss my dog. Truly, this is the worst part. I miss Emma. I miss having her cuddled up next to me all day long. And I feel bad about bouncing her around from place to place so much over the past couple months. I mean, the dog is almost totally blind for goodness sake! Changes in location are not small things for her.


And I know that this is a safe (arguably the safest) place for the babies right now, but somehow that knowledge isn't helping so much. Why? Because there isn't much happening here that couldn't be done in my own home. Where I'm comfortable and with the people that I love. I'm not hooked up to any IVs (thank goodness), and I'm being monitored for an hour every shift for my contractions. Did you know you can actually get those monitors to use at home? And my insurance covers them! But I'm here, instead of home. And if I'm being brutally honest, I'm not happy about it.


I always try to end blog entries on a positive note, but I don't think I will this time. There are plenty of positive notes to be had, but right now I just want to vent and lament. Boohoo.

5 comments:

hi, i'm nancy! said...

this might sound strange, but BRAVO! good for you for admitting that you feel crummy. that's a perfectly normal feeling, Ab, and if you didn't have it, i would be worried. besides,when the time is right, it will be replaced with a happier feeling.

but for now, the time is right for feeling blue. i totally get that.

hugs and love,
Mumsy

Brian said...

I agree w/ your mom, Abby. Hospitals are not the best places for healing or feeling at home AT ALL... I would also be worried about you if you weren't bummed about being there. It sucks, I know. And we were only stuck in one for 1 week. But in the end, I'm glad we were b/c knowing that your babies are safe and sound is the most important thing -- not saying that makes it easy though! It isn't. ;(

We'll try our best to visit you in the next month or so. Believe me, Abby, when you see Charlie and Olivia and know they are well and in your arms, this will ALL be worth it -- as it was with our little one. But it is extremely difficult -- and we only got a brief taste of it. Just let it out when you need to let it out and we're all here for you guys. We love you.

Brian called Eli last night to check on you... Not that I did these things after Muriel was born last week, but hold on to that computer and keep connected to us. Try to get wheeled outside every day and wear your own clothes if they'll let you! And definitely get some good food/dvds from outside of that hospital. I only went outside once in that week, and trust me -- I started to lose my noodle. Why won't they let you use the home monitors? Maybe you could make a deal w/ your OB?

We're thinking of you and hope and pray this time goes by quickly and safely for all 4 of you (well, 5, counting Emma). Lots of love... Keep us updated.

Sarah.

Abbey said...

Bummer, Ab! Well, just think. In two weeks I'll be down there for the whole week, and I'll hang out with you. I'll bring games. And movies. Oh, and snacks. Lots of snacks.

The Bowmans said...

I'm not allowed to go outside (I'm pretty sure.) Bathroom and shower every other day and that's IT. As far as the monitors, I will ask about that on Monday because my Dr. is set on waiting through the weekend, but I think the major issue is making sure I have instant access to attention if something changes. Can't risk my dilating any more.

The Katzbox said...

Perhaps you can think of this as "mental labor pains"....this is the emotional/mental pain you are called upon to go through to bring Charlie and Olivia into the light of day...

My suggestion is to watch lots of comedy and laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh...while at the same time acknowledging that you are NOT in a good mood, which explains your need to laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh. Laughing actually impacts your immune system and positively affects your biochemistry...YOUR BIOCHEMISTRY!!!! I can email you the studies but it would be dry reading and the whole goal is to laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh.

We love you.

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