Saturday, July 19, 2008

Week 13 and Pregnancy Etiquette

People have been asking to see pictures of me. You know, the obligatory documentation of tummy growth. Up until this week, there really hasn't been much to see. All of my friends who are due around the same time as I am, still don't have much to show off...but you see, you get bigger with twins. And still, people keep telling me, "You don't look pregnant at all!" Tell that to my pants. :) That's right, I'm already into maternity. Woohoo! So anyway, here is the first pregnancy pic. The shirt I was wearing was really blousy, so I had to pull it tighter for you to see.

The following is stolen from my friend Abbey Niebel. She is due to have her baby in 30 days! And as an experienced pregnant woman, she had some helpful tips to offer those who have a preggers in their life. I thought it was great advice and it really made me laugh. Here are her "Top 10 Ways to Make a Pregnant Lady Angry". Abbey's responses are in regular font, and I have added my own comments or amendments in italics at the end of each item.

10. It's a shame that such young girls are getting pregnant these days. There are several variations to this comment, and I've had a few. This is partially due to the fact that I look like a pregnant 5th-grader (I'll appreciate my youthful looks when I'm 40, I think). This is also partially due to the fact that people are not smart. Seriously. Take a look at my left hand. I'm married. And my age is none of your business. But just to get you off my back, I'm almost 25 and have been married for 3 years. Plenty old enough to be starting a family, in my opinion. (I'm almost 26 and have been married for 4 years...that's even worse!)

9. You'll need practice for when that baby comes. Spoken mostly by other parents, this comment really pisses me off. Obviously, I have no idea what I'm doing. I get that. But, do I want to practice on your child? Absolutely not. Especially since your child is the one screaming/throwing a fit/running down the hallway. (In my case, I actually like to think I have SOME idea of what is coming my way. After all, I have worked with infants for a few years now. Do I know everything? No way. But I can change a diaper thank you very much.)

8. Your life is going to change once that baby (those babies) comes! What?!?! You're kidding me! A newborn is going to change my schedule a little? I'm shocked, really shocked. I might be a first-time mom, but I'm not an idiot. That being said, I can guarantee you that I'll still be going out to eat, watching my TV shows, and taking the occasional nap. I do have a husband (see #10). (And loving parents and in-laws who are willing to lend hand.)

7. You've got way too much stuff for (these babies). I really just don't understand this comment. First of all, what is it that I'm not going to use? The carseat? Maybe the stroller? Perhaps the diapers? Or, maybe the crib. Second, who cares if I've got a lot of stuff? We've had a long, hard road to parenthood, and I'm excited to welcome this baby into our family. If that means I have "overprepared", then so be it. You ought to be excited for us, too.

6. Your feet are really swollen! Really? Because I hadn't noticed the throbbing pain every time I take a step (or just stand up). Also, I hadn't noticed that NONE of my shoes fit. But thank you so much for telling me! (Haven't reached this point yet, but I've no doubt the time will come. I swell at the tiniest rise in temperature anyway.)

5. You're about ready to pop! Closely related to #1, this deserves its own section. In church on Sunday TEN different people said this to me. Ten! Really, people, I'm NOT ready to pop. First of all, I've still got 5 weeks to go. Second, that's just another way of saying "you're fat". (Not to mention it makes us sound like bubbles floating around. I'm a person people!)

4. What is the baby's name? This question in and of itself isn't annoying at all. I really don't mind when people ask me. What I do mind, though, is when people continue to pester me after I tell them that we don't have one picked out yet. Honestly, we don't have a name, and you standing here asking me repeatedly isn't going to change that. (this probably won't be an issue for us as we are fairly set on what we like. But please be sensitive to those who are not so sure.)

3. I never got THAT big with my babies! Well, good for you! I, however, am this big with my baby. Have you looked at my body type? I am barely 5'3" and am pretty short-waisted. Where do you think this baby is going to hide? In addition to that, my baby is growing in my arms, face, thighs, and rear end. But thanks for pointing out that you were never as big as me. (Were you pregnant with twins?)

2. Whoa! Are there two in there? No, actually, I'm just very large. But thanks for bringing that to my attention. (Well...yes actually. But if anyone even jokes about triplets, beware the wrath!)

1. Haven't you had those babies yet? that a real question? Because isn't it obvious by looking?

Consider yourselves forewarned! :)


katzbox said...

This was very funny...and you know, people just don't get it sometimes, even the most well's like "the tummy" is a separate entity with no feelings or something, it's downright weird sometimes, but knowing that in advance can maybe (hopefully) help keep a smile on your face, or at least keep your head from exploding...and coming from the sarcastic family that you've chosen to marry into, won't we have fun sitting around the dinner table coming up with our own less than politically correct responses???? for instance...
TO #10: Yes, I heard that about your mother...
TO #9: Yea, I really really suck at feeding and loving...can I babysit YOUR kid Friday night?
TO #8: Not in the way you think... my very wealthy great uncle just left us a trust fund so a nanny and a cook and housekeeper will start next week, so actually, our lives will be quite easier...that will be our change...yessiree...easy street....
TO #7: Yes, but in our family, that is how we measure love...sorry we missed your birthday/Christmas/anniversary...
TO #6: I know! But our insurance coverage is so groovy, there's a clause that allows for pregnant women with this condition to get full body massages, reflexology and medical spa treatments...I've never been so grateful for fat piggies in my entire life...sorry about your skinny ankles...better luck next pregnancy.
TO #5: (slap their face as hard you can with your open palm)...oops, false alarm, but maybe you should stand back
TO #4:---Abby's right, people should respect and admire what people have chosen, what frosts my shorts is when people render an opinion on WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN CHOSEN AND THEY DON'T LIKE IT...Really?...Why would people do that?...that blows my mind!!!! If I decided to name my child Punkin Head, just nod and smile...maybe I'm just sensitive because I have a daughter named Jette...hmmmmm
TO #3: Well, I can lose weight but you're still ugly AND rude.
TO #2: No, but there's two right here and then hold up two particular fingers, one on each mind...I repent...
TO #1: open stare-no words

Brian said...

Hahahaa!!! "frosts my shorts!" I've never heard that one, but I need to remember to use that some time!

Abby, I've only avoided hearing #1 and #10. I'm sure I'll hear #1 in about 6-8 weeks, and #10 I'll never hear b/c I'm old already! And yep, although it's a miracle to carry a little life(s) inside of our bodies, it's also a bit tiring, emotional, and crazy at times. The 2nd part of that, people don't get. And they won't. And even when they've had babies, they'll forget at the moment of birth and still ask these questions! And I'll add one more to the list: TWO of my brothers (upon seeing my girth for the first time) said: "Wow, you really have curves in places that you... um... didn't.... not that I'm looking... but whoa." Oh and the husband saying "WHOA!" when he sees me changing. That's always a little traumatizing! I have to push this kid out, remember??? Let's not try to say she's GIGANTIC already and freak me out, 'k???

I agree w/ Eli/Eric's mom about the belly being a separate entity. Did you read our blog entry about the lady who shouts "hey pregnant!" at me?

Brian said...

You know this is SARAH and not BRIAN, though... Can't figure out how to comment under my own name b/c he's already signed in! ;)

Eliot Bowman said...

HAHAAAAAA!!!!!!! Mom, you are hilarious!

Brown and Serve said...

Abby, I thought these were hilarious when I read them on Abbey's blog. Love the personal touches though. Here I was hoping we would go through everything together, and you're going to have twice the fun. I just have one request-since your due date was changed and is now before mine-lie to me when I ask you if it hurts or was it scary ok?

Em Dog said...

Abby, you look adorable.
And, on a totally annoying positive note (I laughed out loud at EVERYTHING my mom wrote - hysterical!), these are all funny things people say and when you're not pregnant and don't have hormones raging through you, and when you are pregnant the second time. . I promise, these things won't bother you. You'll just smile. Because people are funny. And, you yourself actually feel like you're going to pop, too. :)

Autumn said...

Oh my gosh!! That makes me frustrated FOR you. The feet--REALLY? Like you don't know yourself? Crazy.


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