Alright. This is my blog. This is where I should be able to record my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I have to be quite frank here. I am sick and tired of people (friends and strangers alike) leaving hurtful comments on it. And having to explain myself repeatedly. I have had to delete a comment from a person I have never met before because she was accusing me of wishing illness upon my children. Last night I barely got any sleep because of this lady's comments. And then I wake up in the morning and find a comment from a friend that is equally as hurtful. Does anyone who reads this blog know me? Do you really think that I would sit in bed in the hospital this whole time if I didn't care about the welfare of my children?
This whole situation has been scary. Everyday we wonder, will today be the day that my body can no longer keep the babies where they are safe? But we have overcome so many odds(no doubt thanks to all of the prayers in our behalf), and we are finally in the home stretch. If we can hold on until December 12, Charlie and Olivia will be SAFE. They will be delivered SAFELY. As I said in my last post, there is a small chance that they could go home with me. If that is the case, would I say, "You know what? Would you mind just keeping them here a little bit so I can get some organizing done at home?" No. What I AM saying is that more than likely they will have to learn how to suck. That would be the reason they would be in the NICU. If they don't have the sucking reflex, I can't feed them. This does not mean that they are sick or that their lives are in danger. It simply means that if this is the case, the NICU is equipped to help them learn how to do this without having to go without the nourishment they need. So when I wrote that I hope they are in the NICU for a little, it meant that the NICU is where I KNOW they will be safe. And then, the upside to this not so great situation is that I can finally get things ready for their homecoming. It will make the transition easier for them and for us to have things in order. Not to mention that there are a lot of things new moms typically get to enjoy during their pregnancy that I haven't. One of them is getting the nursery ready. And I'm not even talking about decorating. I'm talking about putting things away. I'm talking about having a chance to let my body heal a little so that I can be the best mom I can be for these new babies. Because they deserve that. Especially if they are going to arrive 6 weeks before they were due. They will need their parents even more.
So despite the fact that these comments have left me feeling hurt and frustrated, I want you to know that I do not regret what I have said. Because I have the best interest of Charlie and Olivia at heart. But I would suggest that if you ever feel like you need to question any mother's (but especially a new mother's) intentions, you do so carefully. The last thing a new mom needs is to feel that those around her think she is already screwing up.
Thank you to those of you who have posted positive, excited comments. That is what we need right now. Because we are very excited to finally meet our precious children. And I would like to focus on that rather than on the NICU.