Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Once Again.

Alright. This is my blog. This is where I should be able to record my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I have to be quite frank here. I am sick and tired of people (friends and strangers alike) leaving hurtful comments on it. And having to explain myself repeatedly. I have had to delete a comment from a person I have never met before because she was accusing me of wishing illness upon my children. Last night I barely got any sleep because of this lady's comments. And then I wake up in the morning and find a comment from a friend that is equally as hurtful. Does anyone who reads this blog know me? Do you really think that I would sit in bed in the hospital this whole time if I didn't care about the welfare of my children?

This whole situation has been scary. Everyday we wonder, will today be the day that my body can no longer keep the babies where they are safe? But we have overcome so many odds(no doubt thanks to all of the prayers in our behalf), and we are finally in the home stretch. If we can hold on until December 12, Charlie and Olivia will be SAFE. They will be delivered SAFELY. As I said in my last post, there is a small chance that they could go home with me. If that is the case, would I say, "You know what? Would you mind just keeping them here a little bit so I can get some organizing done at home?" No. What I AM saying is that more than likely they will have to learn how to suck. That would be the reason they would be in the NICU. If they don't have the sucking reflex, I can't feed them. This does not mean that they are sick or that their lives are in danger. It simply means that if this is the case, the NICU is equipped to help them learn how to do this without having to go without the nourishment they need. So when I wrote that I hope they are in the NICU for a little, it meant that the NICU is where I KNOW they will be safe. And then, the upside to this not so great situation is that I can finally get things ready for their homecoming. It will make the transition easier for them and for us to have things in order. Not to mention that there are a lot of things new moms typically get to enjoy during their pregnancy that I haven't. One of them is getting the nursery ready. And I'm not even talking about decorating. I'm talking about putting things away. I'm talking about having a chance to let my body heal a little so that I can be the best mom I can be for these new babies. Because they deserve that. Especially if they are going to arrive 6 weeks before they were due. They will need their parents even more.

So despite the fact that these comments have left me feeling hurt and frustrated, I want you to know that I do not regret what I have said. Because I have the best interest of Charlie and Olivia at heart. But I would suggest that if you ever feel like you need to question any mother's (but especially a new mother's) intentions, you do so carefully. The last thing a new mom needs is to feel that those around her think she is already screwing up.

Thank you to those of you who have posted positive, excited comments. That is what we need right now. Because we are very excited to finally meet our precious children. And I would like to focus on that rather than on the NICU.

13 comments:

Eli Bowman said...

I agree with what my wife is saying. I didn't know we would have to defend ourselves as parents so early on, but just to make everything clear Abby and I have always had the welfare of our children in the forefront of our minds. If you question that then you are wrong. Plain wrong.

Read what Abby has said carefully and you should see that. Especially if you claim to know her.

And if you have a problem with the way we're doing things or how we feel about our children call me at 614-288-8955. Because if I have to get one more phone call from my crying wife who's bed ridden in the hospital telling me about how hurt she is from comments and other hurtful remarks we'll just stop blogging. Abby doesn't deserve to deal with these kinds of negative remarks, and neither do Charlie and Olivia. I, on the other hand, can handle them just fine.

Thanks to those of you who understand and know us well enough to send love, prayers, and positivity in our direction. Please don't stop, we need them still.

Aric and Megan said...

I just started reading your blog this past weekend. My husband came accross it on that live feed thing. We live in Delaware, and your situation kinda hits close to home for me. My sister was pregnant with twins, so I was kinda drawn to your blog. I have not read any of the comments on your blog that were mean, and I am sorry people can be so rude. I look forward to seeing your beautiful children! I wish you all the best!!

Megan Mompher

www.themompers.blogspot.com

Trish said...

Abby you and Eli are the best. I am so excited to meet Charlie and Olivia. I'm sure they are going to be such a wonderful mix of you and Eli.

I have had some strange comments on my blog that were hateful as well from people I didn't know. I spent about 30 minutes trying to hunt them down to throw my hatred at them and then realized that if they really have time to surf people's blogs that they don't know and leave ridiculous comments on them, then they really have no life and their priorities are completely in the wrong place.

Please know that all of us that know you and Eli and have in some part gone through this with you, know how wonderful this meeting will be. I think that is the best part of birth if finally meeting that little soul or in your case souls that have been with you for so long but still a mystery. I love looking at them and saying "hello!!". From the moment of hello only the best will do for those babies, no matter what it is. That is the mother's creed.

Anyone who doesn't understand that, isn't a mother. The bond between mother and child is unlike anyother force upon the earth. It cannot be duplicated, recreated, or substituted. It just is. How exciting that you are about to enter this exciting and priviledged group of women. Hang in there. Next week will come quickly and you will finally be introduced to the two most important people in your life.

Beth said...

You guys are awesome for all that you have been through. I am always so impressed with you Abby and your positive attitude. Keep up that positive attitude and everything will turn out just fine. We are all very excited to meet these two little babies and pray that everything goes well for you and them. I haven't emailed you for awhile (sorry!!) but let me know if you need anything in the next couple of weeks.

The Katzbox said...

Eli, I'm gonna call you right now and smack you up with some lovin'...that's right boy...some LOVIN'...you heard me!!!!

Abby, there will always be people who create controversy where none exists...case in point-The Enquirer and any other tabloid...you are surrounded by family and friends who know your heart and understand the truth and conviction of what you and Eli have undertaken in getting these precious souls born safe and sound here on earth to begin their mortal journey. We have all been blessed to have had even a small part in this miraculous event. Everything else is chaff and should be blown away. You are loved honey...but you know that...

Emilia said...

Just point me in the right direction and I will be snapping in a Z formation at whomever is giving you grief, girl!

So excited for you to have a date, by the way!! Charlie and Olivia are officially on my calendar.

Love and hugs for you and da babies (and Eli,too.)

hi, i'm nancy! said...

Emily, here's your AMEN!

bellakayhill said...

Abby, Leslie's friend Mandy here. I just wanted to wish you and the babies a safe delivery and speedy recovery. I'll be thinking about you this holiday season.

Brian said...

"The last thing a new mom needs is to feel that those around her think she is already screwing up." WORD UP, sister! I've said it before and I'll say it again, you two are already wonderful parents, wonderful friends and we love you so much. It's a shame that you've had to explain anything about anything... Oh and Eli, you're the dude. Make sure those NICU nurses show you the ins and outs of diapering b/c we've had some "unfortunate" diapering events in our house lately.

The Lorenz's said...

Abby, anyone who knows you knows how much you have prayed and loved these babies from the start. We wish you and your family all the happiness you can stand and then some.

Maughanster said...

Hi Abby and Eli - we love you guys. I am so proud of both of you. I wish you guys nothing but the best. Can't wait to see those sweet little faces. We have your back no matter what. My son Parker just got out of the hospital for flu and dehydration, I was so grateful he was there and experts were taking care of him. It gave me such peace to know that he would be watched over and protected. Don't explain yourself to anyone. Love you.

Jessica said...

Eli and Abby, I think you guys are awesome. I love hearing about your experiences and I hope you don't stop blogging. Some people just don't think things through, and say incredibly stupid and hurtful things. Do they think that there isn't a real person on the other end of the blog? Anyway, hang in there. Many people are sending loving feelings and prayers in your direction. Eli, I think you are so awesome to stand up for your wife. Way to go!

tammy franks said...

God Bless your all's hearts.Good luck and don't listen to crazy people who want to give advice to parents who don't have a clue what they are talking about. My daughter was very sick at birth and no I didn't want het to stay there but she had to she also lost her sence of sucking and they had to almost re train her to do so,but what was cool was she didn't use a bottle very long at all.she wanted that sippy cup she wanted a straw.Funny how it works out.Alot of people want to tell you what to do. But you listen to you and hubby cause you 2 are the only ones who know!!!!I hope the Babies are well and YOU are too.Great christmas presents LOL love and understanding from a total stranger!!!!

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